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The follow represent all known win conditions for the game of Chess. A player must achieve one or more of the following in order to be declared winner and recieve the traditional winner's sash.

  • One player achieves 'Checkmate'.
  • One player surrenders to the other.
  • One player is struck dead by either nature or the other player.
  • Should the game take place under a new moon, the game is declared a tie.
  • The land speed record is broken.
  • The winner's sash is removed from the previous winner with sufficient violence.
  • If an albatross casts it's shadow across the board, both players are declared the loser.
  • One player hits a ground base hit to second, leading to at least two RBI.
  • The chess clock becomes fully enclosed in timing amber.
  • The rook's mother requires them to come home for dinner.
  • One or more of the players are Raptured.
  • Should both players achieve 'Checkmate,' the match will be decided through a game of Parcheesi.
  • One player is revealed to be a minor.
  • The referee's decorative chess mace is returned to it's cradle.
  • At least 66% of one player's pieces are burned.